Sunday, April 3, 2011

What Women Want in Men

While I cannot speak for women nor can a woman speak for all women, there are characteristics the majority of women want in a man. I’ve read several books, subscribed to attraction newsletters, talked to attraction experts, talked to women about what they want in a man, tested techniques, and have observed many scenarios comparing and contrasting variables men display in their interaction with women to develop a set of characteristics men can develop to build their attractiveness towards women.

Additionally, I’ve heard and seen a lot of wrong advice on this subject from so-called experts. In fact, a great deal of this “expert advice” is heavily diffused into society beliefs and norms. Many guys have been wrongly conditioned as to what women really want. I don’t blame them. Attraction is a really confusing subject.

Some women have “screwed up” men’s minds as to what women want because these women think they have all the answers. They think “I’m a women so I know what I and other women want.” Most women don’t have a clue as to what they truly want in a man or they think what they feel must be the same for all women. So listen up young Jedi apprentice.

What I’m going to teach will probably shock you.

I can guarantee you other communication skills teachers would definitely not tell you what I’m about to say. That’s because most of these teachers do not understand how attraction with women works. These teachers will not tell you these skills because they are pretty much counter-intuitive to what “good communication” is. I was once the same.

Also, do not think attracting a lady isn’t applicable to you. If you are in a relationship, this advice will help you almost as much as a single guy who is looking for a partner. Anytime you can get a woman feeling more attracted too you like over the phone, in a business deal, or placing an order at a restaurant, you will get more out of the situation than if she wasn’t slightly attracted.

Women are Mixed-Up

Women saying one thing and meaning another thing is a whole other article itself yet I’ll briefly explain it to give you an understanding as to what women say they want is often not what they really want.

I agree that women are strange . Half of what they say has exactly the opposite meaning. This is where the main problem I’ll discuss more later on about being nice to lady comes in.

I use to think, you probably think, and a high percentage of guys think, that you have to compliment a lady, give gifts, buy her flowers, and basically earn her affection. The technique may work for a little while but you won’t have the powerful attraction otherwise possible by not being a nice guy and it will leave you broke .

Attraction is a confusing subject. Guys and women often cannot explain why they are attracted to someone. Attraction isn’t a logical decision. A woman does not make the logical decision to be with a guy because he is nice to her with his compliments, presents, and gifts. Women and men make emotional decisions on who they want to have relationships with.

For women, they often say they like guys with humor, which I and attraction experts believe is true, but it isn’t the whole story. A woman can say she likes a guy with a sense of humor but a good sense of humor alone isn’t enough. Ladies aren’t crawling all over comedians. What they often find attractive is a guy who is cocky and has a sense of humor. Being cocky and funny when combined with unstoppable confidence is usually enough to get a woman because this presses all her right buttons. There really isn’t anything that can get a woman turned on faster than a cocky and funny guy.

Physical Looks

The strongest belief I need to firstly destroy is that women want a physically attractive man. A guy’s attractiveness towards women is far more about personality than physical looks. If you don’t believe me, go out to where hot women are and you’ll see average and sometimes ugly looking men having women begging for their attention. I’ve heard countless stories of guys aged over 40, bald, short, and even over 350 pounds, who are dating women rated 10 on a scale of 1 to 10.

Additionally, I’ve heard good looking guys have hopeless results in attracting women. Physical looks can get a lady’s initial interest, but it isn’t what builds attraction. You may be wondering why tall, good-looking, rich guys are associated with hot women. The fact is these guys have other characteristics that attract women. They emit confidence, are challenging, and show other alpha male qualities which you’ll learn more about later on. If you still don’t believe me, you are what I call a “theorist”. You theorize on what you think works and doesn’t work based on your limited beliefs. I am 100% certain that what I’m talking about here is what women want. Put your limiting beliefs from what you have been conditioned to believe aside and discover what women truly want.

How you communicate to a lady, the signals you emit such as confidence and assertiveness, and not your physical looks determines how attracted a lady is to you.

…how you communicate to a lady…and not your physical looks determines how attracted a lady is to you.Of course, there are women who will only accept a man based on his looks. Do not worry about these few women. They have an extremely shallow personality created from low self-esteem and other self-related problems. You do not want to be with someone who is so superficial. These women probably make up about 2% of females and even these characteristics listed here are what they want. It is just that these shallow women must have a guy with good looks to fulfill self-related problems. Such shallow women are never satisfied in any relationship as the void exists within and not in their partner.

Physical looks are important but not as important as society norms perceive them to be. There is a level of physical attraction that can hold you back like poor hygiene, awful attire, and annoying habits. It’s likely these characteristics will only hold you back when one is below the lady’s expected level. As an example, repulsive breath is enough to turn off any woman.

You still want to be as physically attractive as possible. Every guy should dress in a way that compliments their figure and is good for the situation. Ask your friends as to what they think you could change to improve your physical attractiveness to women. Even better, ask a female friend what they think you could change. Most women will be more then happy to fix you up. There is nothing like getting a women’s perspective on how you can better your physical looks. Let them know you are very open to hearing anything and welcoming of criticism so they do not hold back advice in fear of hurting you.

Mouth hygiene is an important physical issue you need to have working for you and not against you. Brush your teeth in the morning and night. Also brush the roof of your mouth and tongue to ensure your breathe does not smell like a garbage dump. Floss at least once a week to remove food stuck in between your teeth. Furthermore, you can rinse your mouth regularly with water, gargle salt water, and use a mouth rinse. Do as much as you can to prevent the build-up of bacteria which creates smelly breathe.

Another thing you must do to work with what physical looks you have is building your muscle definition and doing cardiovascular workouts 2-3 times a week. You don’t need to look like Mr. Olympia to benefit from working out. Being more muscularly defined emits confidence, dominance, and improves your well-being and self-esteem. These are all characteristics women desperately want in a man. The cardiovascular workouts will develop your endurance throughout the day, better your happiness, improve self-perceptions, and allow you to maintain an energetic personality. Working out will give you amazing psychological benefits that go well beyond characteristics favored by women. You can overcome personal insecurities and live a happier life by working out regularly.

Now that you understand the greatest illusion of women feeling attracted is excellent physical looks and that you’ve got the most important physical attributes under control and working for you in building attraction towards women, it’s time to look at more characteristics you can develop that women want.

Alpha Males

In the animal kingdom, an alpha male is followed by a number of its own species within a given geographical location. It is the dominant animal of the group. An animal that possesses an alpha status breeds abundantly. An alpha animal does have responsibilities. The animal must successfully fight challengers to keep its alpha status otherwise it can become an outcast or even die.

In the human world, alpha males get what they want. They overrule many males who are fearful, do not stand-up for themselves, or lack self-esteem. Like the animal kingdom, they are challenged by other males who are after an alpha status. Fortunately, death isn’t associated with these challenges. However, being challenged can make or break you. Women don’t want jerks who try to physically take down any guy who may get in the way of his relationships. You’ve probably seen these jealous boyfriends in clubs who try to act all “macho” by being overprotective. A true alpha male is able to walk-away from ego-headed jerks who may try to pick a fight and comes out of the situation stronger then before because of his confidence.

The alpha male uses humor, confidence, shows he is comfortable with himself, and doesn’t require other’s approval.Jerks are aggressive, easily intimidated, pig-headed individuals who use physical intimidation to temporarily avoid challenges from other guys while nice guys will lose out altogether in sucking up to a woman. Males that women are extremely attracted to are able to build more attraction from the challenge. The true alpha male uses humor, confidence, shows he is comfortable with himself, and doesn’t require other’s approval.

A few other interesting characteristics of the alpha male also link back to the animal world. Alpha males are territorial. If someone threatening invades their space they will defend themselves or leave the location. Alpha males are protective. He doesn’t fight to prove his toughness but he will protect those he cares for.

What I recommend you learn from this is to set a goal of developing alpha male qualities. An alpha male is confident, possesses strong self-beliefs, and has power in the relationships. Alpha males are assertive, take lead, know what they want, and have integrity.

Women Hate Nice Guys

Women do not want what attraction expert David DeAngelo terms a “wussy” or “nice-guy”. A man who is “wussy” is an omega male. He is not confident, has no power, and is too compensatory with women. He is dominated by females and other males. It’s almost the complete opposite to an alpha male.

An extremely high percentage of males are “wussies” because society conditions us to be nice to strangers. Good communication is being nice to people. However, this doesn’t cut it in building attraction. This is a real shocker as it is almost completely counter-intuitive to traditional communication skills where you’re supposed to be nice to people. It is an area where other communication teachers fail in. They teach based on theory and what they think works and not what truly works.

I began to see how powerful it is by seeing it in others and using the techniques myself. It really does work.

Being a nice guy does not work. You do not need to be a jerk but you can’t be “nice”. By not being a “wussy” women actually love you for it, especially the better looking ladies. If you disagree with me, then you haven’t practiced these techniques and you would definitely be struggling with attracting women. Ask any lady who is frequently approached by guys. They will tell you how boring and easy they are. They hate wussies. A wussy guy is not challenging, too predictable, and is boring. I can imagine the women reading this nodding their heads in complete agreement.

A guy who is termed “nice” or “wussy” attempts to buy a woman’s attraction. He purchases gifts and dinners in an effort to make her like him. Most women are very happy to receive these gifts but only as means of receiving what they want. They see the guy who buys affection as a provider and not someone they are physically attracted to. A woman’s attraction cannot be brought.

Similarly, when a couple is going out to a movie or dinner, the alpha male takes lead. He chooses a movie or place to have dinner with his lady’s preference in consideration. He does not say “I’m happy with whatever you want” or “I don’t care where we go”. It relates back to taking control and having power within the relationship.

Attraction isn’t a logical process.

Attraction isn’t decided.

Attraction isn’t a choice.

If you’re still hanging onto your nice boy characteristics around women because you believe they are better than these alpha male attributes, then my advice is you need to stop acting stubborn with what you think is right and listen up to what actually works.

The Hidden Qualities Women Love in Men

A man women love is comfortable no matter what. When a situation is against him, he is able to come out stronger. He does not require women’s or other guy’s approval. He has integrity and never diverts from it. He does not do everything a women wants thus leading her to have all the power. He challenges her thoughts and behaviors as not being good enough for him. He balances cockiness with humor. He is able to tease, be funny about it, and build attraction.

Balancing the cockiness with humor is something called “cocky and funny”. This shows your confidence and high value using humor, two extremely attractive qualities to a lady.

An example of cocky and funny can be picking something up unusual about her and busting her for it. Say she is going out to a party, you haven’t been invited, and she has a somewhat large bag (it doesn’t have to be really large). You can bust on her by saying “That bag is huge. Do you have a bomb in there and am going to blow up the party or something? I’m glad I’m not going.”

This example is funny, gives you the power, and you show her you do not need her approval. It won’t make her come chasing after you but it’s what you need to constantly keep doing to build attraction.

The other day a lady complimented me on how good I looked (I’m not actually that good looking. It’s just that I was teasing her and the only response she would have known to feeling attraction is to be nice). What a wuss would have done is reciprocated the compliment by telling her something good about herself or he would have just said “thankyou” and let the situation fizzle down. I knew this was an opportunity to keep building her tension. I looked at her in a calm manner, said “Thank you. I always do.” and made my eyes trace down her body. I saw her shoes which were these strappy things with small heels. What I did was than told her she could at least wear better shoes to keep up with my standards, “Did you make those shoes this morning with strings and some bamboo?” She laughed, loved it, and I loved it. It was confident, appropriate, cocky, and funny.

Another confusing area on what women want in men is chivalry which refers to courteous behaviors towards women. Chivalry has never been and never will be dead. It is the context of which chivalry is used that determines its effectiveness. A powerful magnetic attraction is only made when strong behaviors that have been discussed in this article are used in combination with chivalrous behavior like:

•Opening doors for women.
•Walking on the footpath closest to the road.
•Pulling out a chair for your lady to sit on.
•Buying her a meal not to impress her or to take her out, but because you are eating there in the first place regardless of her accepting your invitation.
Chivalry behavior is not as effective and may even be negative when the man who is chivalrous is also a girly-man who sucks up to women. Having chivalrous behavior in addition to the other characteristics of a manly-man discussed in this article are hidden magnetic qualities women love in men.

Back to other nice-guy qualities that women hate. A nice-guy runs after women. He seeks approval begging like a little puppy for attention. As a strong word of advice, if you are chasing a woman you are not being chased by her. You demonstrate neediness and approval by chasing. When you realize this and take control of the overall meta-frame (the meaning of the interaction) she then actually begins to chase you. Controlling the meta-frame demonstrates your power, internal comfort, confidence, and no need for approval, all characteristics women are begging for in a man.

Do not be a traditional nice guy. Keep your power in your relationship. Lose the need to control her. Become cocky and funny. This will most likely make her attached, needy, and wanting your approval. Who would have thought?

Women desperately want guys with these characteristics and especially the more popular and hot women who are flooded with nice-guys. These ladies always get nice-guys coming up and complimenting them on how beautiful they are. If you talk to a lady who has guys coming up to her a few times each week, I can guarantee you she is sick of it, hates guys who are intimidated of her, and guys who are a “walk-over”.

What About Just Being Me?

Ah. “What about just being me?” The words of a wussy who doesn’t want to leave his comfort zone.

“Just be your natural self” is another piece of awful advice dating and communication teachers tell people. In fact, being your natural self in many areas of life will get you into trouble. I know people don’t like hearing that, but regardless, we must always fight our natural tendencies to progress forward and become who we want to be. If you were always just yourself, then you wouldn’t grow to become anyone greater. You’d be stuck in your old bad habits.

By practicing these skills, you internalize them and only then does it become your natural self.By developing my “attraction skills” and learning to trigger attraction in women that I wouldn’t have otherwise done, I’m not being my natural self. By practicing these skills, you internalize them and only then does it become your natural self. The difference is, now your natural self is what women want.

Being yourself is not a right. You do not have the right to be yourself. Being yourself is a privledge you must earn by constantly working on yourself and becoming a better man.

What I have discussed here is based upon what works with attracting women. To learn more on developing these techniques I’ve discussed in this article, I recommended you at least signup to attraction expert David DeAngelo’s newsletter here. Go to David DeAngelo’s website, signup, and purchase his ebook if you are really serious about attracting women. He has been learning this stuff for almost ten years ever since he struggled with women by being a nice guy himself.

I’m subscribed to his attraction material myself and have personally read through his materials. He’s taught me a tonne of stuff about attraction in ladies. I cannot recommend his ebook any higher.

You may not want to attract women but his ebook and teachings are just applicable to keeping a woman in your current relationship happy and attracted to you. By sparking attraction within her, she will experience feelings like never before, have stronger attraction towards you, and will have more exciting experiences with you.

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